You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
