Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
