I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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