Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
