Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
