My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
