when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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