I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
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