i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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