I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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