i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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