Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
