He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
