Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I did not marry a roomba.
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