Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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