He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Who died my cat blue again?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
