just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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