I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
