I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
