Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
