i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
