There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
