Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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