3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
