it was like his penis was on wheels.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
