Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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