He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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