what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
