Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
