You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is Oprah even human
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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