arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
