Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
