Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This house was built for laser tag.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
