Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
