If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
