im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
