The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I want to be your penis for a week.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
