Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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