I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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