Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
