oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
