you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
