But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
