I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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