turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
