Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
