Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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