you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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