Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
