I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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