OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
